14 Years

[profundis]

Sunday was the 14th anniversary of my father's death. I was fine on the day, but a couple days beforehand I woke from a dream. I often dream that there has been either some mistake at the hospital or morgue, or that the people down at Emory whipped up some necromantic miracle and he is back from the dead, sometimes as if nothing had happened, sometimes in a feeble state or for an indefinite but probably short amount of time. I am always so relieved that he is back. Of course if I wake up right after one of those I'm crushed by the realization that it was just a dream.

This time I dreamed that not only was I previously unaware that those were just dreams before, but that now I did realize it and that in reality he really was dead. And then I woke up aware of all of that. :(