May be too intense for some viewers.

Sunday was the 14th anniversary of my father's death. I was fine on the day, but a couple days beforehand I woke from a dream. I often dream that there has been either some mistake at the hospital or morgue, or that the people down at Emory whipped up some necromantic miracle and he is back from the dead, sometimes as if nothing had happened, sometimes in a feeble state or for an indefinite but probably short amount of time. I am always so relieved that he is back. Of course if I wake up right after one of those I'm crushed by the realization that it was just a dream.

This time I dreamed that not only was I previously unaware that those were just dreams before, but that now I did realize it and that in reality he really was dead. And then I woke up aware of all of that. :(

Today is the 13th anniversary of my Dad's passing. Death, rather, not passing. Passing is such a polite term, and so very inadequate. But this post isn't intended to be morbid, just frank.

I woke up an hour and a half early to a disturbing dream - I was in the house at the farm where I grew up (and mom still lives, where dad died) and in my old bedroom. The windows there had been replaced with wide picture windows like the ones in the remodeled porch/sun room (mom remodeled with the life insurance $). It was broad daylight outside and I could see the expanse of green lawn and terraces and trees, but it was also very stormy - windy? There were strange creatures ala the Mist being blown about by it. At first it seemed like they were attacking the house, trying to break the glass, but instead it was obvious they were being thrown about by the winds and smashed into the glass to their doom. There were flatworm shaped flying things, about the size of birds,but they schooled like fish...they were sharp and tapered on both ends, with no apparent wings or limbs, they were a blood red color and splattered with a thunderous impact en masse against the windows, then disappeared. Various other such entities (a cadaverous dog thing, with skin removed and dripping, a giant blue-gray horse like hulking thing) met their demise or were hurled past the windows by the buffeting winds. There was someone in the room with me, probably Dad. Though I worried the windows would break, they never did.

I am not at all unaware of the timing of this coinciding with the culmination of much personal transition and stress in my life including the impending move to the new apt, the purging of much physical and emotional stuff from the last 25 years. By the time I move, I will have lived here in this house the same amount of time I lived at the farm.

Fearful symmetry, indeed.

Had some crazy ass dreams that all kinda ran together - I was at Mom's house but no one was home and it was dark...I think I was supposed to be watching the place of spending the night til Mom got back...they say you can't turn on a light in a dream, and dammit it seems to be the case (or is it just because I read that I think I can't do it) I flipped every light switch in the place and couldn't get any of them on...though the power was obviously on (lights on the stereo, TV, etc).  I was alarmed because it was too much to be a coincidence /blown bulb, and the front and back doors were open.

I kept realizing I was dreaming and trying to wake up...only to wake up into another version of the dream...one where I was sleeping in Mom's bed with Dad (don't go there - that was SOP when I was little and Mom was away visiting)...I've had a few of these dreams where Dad is alive again but something is obviously not right with him...I knew that was the case this time - he was talking about something to do with the door locks on the house, and it sounded perfectly reasonable like one of his many bits of wisdom...but I didn't even care if it did, I was just glad to hear his voice, so I just hugged him and let him talk til I woke up from that one into one where there was some police chase going on on the road just at the edge of the yard! 

And then eventually I would up in some big building in town and reports were coming in of a bomb going off and killing a lot of people - when I looked over the roof the whole thing replayed itself - except in Claymation LOL - the big clay mushroom cloud erupted and the shockwave tossed all the little clay people into the air. 

OK, maybe reading comic books before bed isn't such a good idea.

Now it's off to the Medical Center to rub on a new client!