Where do I go to be gay?

[profundis]

So, I didn't go to Pride this year.  I told other people about it and encouraged some to go, and even thought about it a couple times, but ultimately decided to be there in spirit instead.  I still gayed it up some this weekend - went for a group bear haircut at Crazy Dave's, looked at books with hawt menz in them at the bookstore and shot 10 dozen pics of a hawt bear here at the Manse. 

I read through a lot of blog entries about people's Super Fun Happy Pride Festival! weekend and a lot of "those fags were probably sour" posts by the "too cool to wear a rainbow sticker" crowd.

I know everyone can't attend or might not enjoy such an event but I'm glad those of you who went had a good time (assuming you had a good time) and I wish the "Bah Homobug" crowd would get out and live a little.

I've gone to Pride plenty of times - gone through my "ZOMG other gay peepulz!!!!!1" phase, my "fuck the establishment homo activism" phase, my "this parade is soooo tired and what the hell is she wearing?" phase, my "found something better to do and it was too hot anyway" phase and finally  to my "wow, I can't believe I was away so long, check it out" phase of the last couple years. I'll certainly be back - I find being obligated to go helps - running the booth made me bother to slog down there from out in the burbs and hang out all day - which was great because then I could actually see what I was missing when I was at the house hiding in the AC and internets.

I can't say I would consider myself proud to be gay - I don't feel like it's some special achievement, just an accident of birth or some quirk of development I couldn't have really been cognizant of at the time - but I'm certainly not ashamed of it - and while I don't seethe with anger that everyone in the universe doesn't value my fabulosity like I did in college - I don't put up with any shit about it either - I can still shoot a betch down with a snappy zinger when need be.  I'm glad that I am at a point in my life when being gay is not the end-all-be-all of existence, but it can be enjoyed and valued in its expression - even if that is very matter of fact.  We might not need to be proud *that* we lurves the c0xxorz  but we can still be proud of *how* we lurves it. ;)

I can remember when I would have been petrified to read magazines like Out or Advocate or A Bear's Life in the store for fear someone would know I was a homo! Oh noes!  I can remember when the only time I really felt safe to be gay out loud in public was at Pride, or maybe a bar.  The internets have totally turned that around and for the better - Gen Y, thank your lucky ISP's you don't have to take out an ad in the newspaper or drive an hour to some skanky dive bar to talk to another faggot.

I chatted with some boys this weekend that are fresh off the gay turnip truck, so to speak - and even with the internet at their command, they still lived in fear or being found out, of family reprisal, of "catching AIDS" from any form of intimate contact with a man. One of them, a Clinton-era  virgin asked me if he should get tested.  One of them asked me (meaning where in Atlanta) "where do I go to be gay?" 

Well kid, you start right in front of that monitor you're staring at - the one on which you are asking to see my cock shots and show me your butt on cam.  You start by calling up AID Atlanta and getting some real information on STD's so you can wisely make choices  - stop risking your health and life wantonly and stop freaking out over the simplest and safest contacts with other men.  You start by contacting YouthPride. You start by heading into town so your folks won't see and you go to the bookstore and the library and the park and yes...to the Pride Festival.

And you start by asking someone who has been there, which you've done.  Good first step, keep going.  I got your back.

Comments

[barankhy.livejournal.com]

As for the pride stuff, I like to see it the way Dan Savage put it - that it was once used as an antidote against society's stigma of shame, similarily to the women's rights movement's "Equality now!" and the Civil Rights movement's "Black Power", only that the "You're gay - BE PROUD!" is rather overdone these days.

And it gets way too much into some people's heads, like evidenced here.

[profundis.livejournal.com]

Well what can you say, some people are just crazy fuckers. There's a big difference between living consciously and without shame versus being a hubris-ridden butthole. :)

[barankhy.livejournal.com]

What have the assholes done to you to compare them so badly?

Please, think of the assholes. They think of you, licking them.

[profundis.livejournal.com]

[barankhy.livejournal.com]

Do not mock this serious business with your unserious macros!

[crataegus.livejournal.com]

Much like when a Sicilian tells me they'll take care of me, I get a bit nervous when a gay man tells me he's got my back.

[profundis.livejournal.com]

I see you shiver, with antici...

[joshjeffcoat.livejournal.com]

oh that's just wrong

[profundis.livejournal.com]

...pation!

[bookbear.livejournal.com]

I can remember when I would have been petrified to read magazines like Out or Advocate or A Bear's Life in the store for fear someone would know I was a homo!

I was never afraid to read those. Hell, I still remember when I got caught by the convenient store clerk when I was, like 11 or 12 looking at the Playgirl.

But I'd be afraid of being caught reading them now. But that's just cuz they (mostly, but not always, but mostly) are an embarrassing pile of literary suckage.

You said this better than I could have. I was gonna have my "anti-pride parade how boring it all is but sometimes it's okay cuz I forget that for some people it's still new so keep it going I guess *le sigh*" post. And now I don't have to.

Well, maybe I still will.

[profundis.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Well good for you that you were so precocious, but that certainly doesn't apply to all the lil newly minted 'mos. They have the rest of their lives to develop their standards and decide what pop culture things to snub and which to embrace...as long as they get out of their parents' house/ Hickville alive.

[bookbear.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah, exactly, which is why I did just post something about it, and hopefully left it with the idea that while I may not get a huge amount out of it, it's still important because each year, it's someone's first Pride, and therefore fresh, exciting, and relevant.

[profundis.livejournal.com]

If you want to see it all fresh and new, go with some newbies and watch their faces.

[reslbear.livejournal.com]

isn't just being gay enough?

I skipped it this year also. It just wasn't in me.

[profundis.livejournal.com]

In light of the Aaron Hall killing I'm not so sure. Not being gay, but being visibly gay seems to be helping increase the percentage of people who approve of/ don't disapprove of homosexuality, at least according to Dan Savage. Pride may seem tired and commercial now, but visibility and networking still serve their purpose.

You're allowed to skip a parade, festival or run now and then and still keep your gay card. Its in the bi-laws. ;)

[reslbear.livejournal.com]

how would my being visible help that? I mean I could beat the fuck out of them but problly not save a life.

I'm just a big old "mo

[profundis.livejournal.com]

It is easy for people to demonize what doesn't have a familiar face. By being "out" your friends family neighbors and coworkers all have to reconcile their relationship with you against "the gays" that they hear about on TV, etc. I know things are better now than 20 years ago, but there are still plenty of places where the "threat of the gay agenda" holds sway and it's tougher to fear/hate/oppress people for something like their sexual orientation when you realize your own loved one IS one. ;)

[reslbear.livejournal.com]

profound perspective. But if they have hate in them, My facew won't change it,

[profundis.livejournal.com]

I don't mean to be rude, but you have no way to know that.

Real hatred based in something personal - you probably won't ever change that, no. But homophobia based in fear of the unknown / fear of the strange / "other" etc you absolutely *can* affect people by showing them that you are just a human like they are - not some monstrous boogeyman like many are still taught today.

[reslbear.livejournal.com]

I wish I had it in me to show them. But honestly I don't. I'll be me and if they can't handle it, oh well.

[profundis.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I'm not sure I'm getting my point across. Being you *is* what helps - as long as you aren't in the closet, someone you may not even know can see you and think "huh, maybe gays aren't so bad" or "hmm, maybe it wouldn't be so bad being gay"...I've been told plenty of times "I don't like gay people but I like you." Which was all because before me, they didn't *know* anyone gay. If you are out, you are a role model (for good or ill) for those still in it wanting to peek out or the young ones just coming up.

[giles13.livejournal.com]

Well said, like Mikey stated, I've had plenty of people say "I didn't like gay people until I met you", because they just have been force fed crap all their lives by the church, by their families or friends and don't know any different. The media mainly portrays gay men as drag queens or "queenie", never as someone who likes sports, or is in the Military or is just being themselves and acting like everyone else. So when you have a younger person who doesn't see this they not only struggle to accept it as normal but if they are in fact gay themselves it makes it that much harder for them to come out and be happy and not live in fear of god, or being beaten to death, or whether or not their friends or family can accept them. Staying closeted is a choice, but finding the courage to be "Out" does potentially put a "face" on the gay issue and forces loved ones to deal with their own fears of homosexuals, and many once they have that opportunity come to the realization that we're no different then they are, and help to combat other people's hatred of it. At least this is my personal experience from it and others I know.

[darkmirth.livejournal.com]

hear hear!
Its rational well reasoned posts like that that make my adoration for you swell ever so much. :)

[profundis.livejournal.com]

I hope the swelling never goes down!

Wait, um, that sounded odd...

[darkmirth.livejournal.com]

Hrm. Not really. My swelling for you shall never go down. Unless I have recently gone down on your swelling...
Hrm I am being vulgar now.
I apologize.

[hitopcub.livejournal.com]

Granted, Bryan and I did not attend this year's Pride festivities, but I always enjoy the atmosphere around Pride. I've been out since I was 15, but didn't attend Pride until probably close to 20 or 21. Even then, I was embarrassed to tell my Mom where my friends and I were going. Now, though, I enjoy the comraderie (sp?) of Pride...the feeling of being part of something....and of course, drooling over the shirtless boys. I may not attend Pride every year, but I make sure to live my life as if everyone knows I'm gay. I know that I have positively impacted others lives by living this way and have given them the opportunity to expand their minds and their capacity to love.