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Time and Tide wait for no one...
Nov. 3rd, 2006 01:48 pmSo the second I got off the plane in L.A. and turned on my phone, I got a text message from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
joezer that said "raise a glass for Steven Mackin."(coolukman for any that don't know) My heart sank and my mind whirled. Surely this could not be what i thought it was, this message should not have been coming for weeks or months, certainly not days after that last post of his. And as those who were with me at the Faultline Sunday night can attest "raising a glass" didn't go so well (who ever heard of serving cocktails in a heavy awkward real glass mug at a bar with a cement floor?! Like, OMG!)...;)
I knew what it was of course, I know good and damn well from sad experience what Joezer means when he says that, I just didn't want it to be true. I didn't want him to be gone so soon and I didn't want this to color my trip, but of course both things were inevitably true. I was worried that my uncle was going to die while I was gone too, but so far he's hanging in there. Still this was enough to leave me kind of wistful and preoccupied most of the week. No one in L.A. that I was hanging with seemed to know Steven, only about him, so I knew that I had a couple of choices: 1) have an emo fit right away and get it out of my system which would have no doubt been super awkward for my hosts, 2) be weepy and mopey all weekend and waste everyone's time, 3) stuff it and wait til I got home so I could commisserate with someone, or 4) make peace with it my own way.
( If you know me, you know what number I picked. )
I tried to put my hands in the water the same way but juggling my shoes and camera while trying not to get completely soaked made that difficult and catching the moment in a picture nearly impossible. I was reminded how things you try to hold onto slip through your fingers...water, sand, people, life.
Steven, I walked to the ocean for you, because you couldn't. Maybe you did in the past and I don't know about it, but I went to the water's edge for you and stepped in the cold surf because you can't. I decided that for you and for all my other departed, I would continue to enjoy my life and experience what I can so that you can come along for the ride.
Rest easy, sweetie.
joezer that said "raise a glass for Steven Mackin."(coolukman for any that don't know) My heart sank and my mind whirled. Surely this could not be what i thought it was, this message should not have been coming for weeks or months, certainly not days after that last post of his. And as those who were with me at the Faultline Sunday night can attest "raising a glass" didn't go so well (who ever heard of serving cocktails in a heavy awkward real glass mug at a bar with a cement floor?! Like, OMG!)...;)I knew what it was of course, I know good and damn well from sad experience what Joezer means when he says that, I just didn't want it to be true. I didn't want him to be gone so soon and I didn't want this to color my trip, but of course both things were inevitably true. I was worried that my uncle was going to die while I was gone too, but so far he's hanging in there. Still this was enough to leave me kind of wistful and preoccupied most of the week. No one in L.A. that I was hanging with seemed to know Steven, only about him, so I knew that I had a couple of choices: 1) have an emo fit right away and get it out of my system which would have no doubt been super awkward for my hosts, 2) be weepy and mopey all weekend and waste everyone's time, 3) stuff it and wait til I got home so I could commisserate with someone, or 4) make peace with it my own way.
( If you know me, you know what number I picked. )
I tried to put my hands in the water the same way but juggling my shoes and camera while trying not to get completely soaked made that difficult and catching the moment in a picture nearly impossible. I was reminded how things you try to hold onto slip through your fingers...water, sand, people, life.
Steven, I walked to the ocean for you, because you couldn't. Maybe you did in the past and I don't know about it, but I went to the water's edge for you and stepped in the cold surf because you can't. I decided that for you and for all my other departed, I would continue to enjoy my life and experience what I can so that you can come along for the ride.
Rest easy, sweetie.
